Here in the Middle

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Somewhere, somehow,

I lost my purpose. Maybe

it is mixed in with my busy schedule or underneath the weight of these obligations.

I know I would recognize it again if I could catch just a glimpse of its shining.

It used to be easy to carry,

easy to store—always at the ready.

And even in storms and on rough paths, I tucked it carefully away

next to my heart for safe keeping, and it never failed to arrive with me at my destination.

But it is lost.

And I am not even sure how to retrace my steps.

Where do I begin to look for it after such a long time and such a long path?

Maybe my children took it with them by mistake when they gathered together their belongings and moved out.

Maybe it got lost in unrenewed contracts and the transition from vinyl to CD.

Maybe it is just out of sight, hidden in this life accumulation of trinkets and treasures.

I used to be so sure of why I was here; and though my path was not totally clear, I knew which direction I was headed and where to begin.

But I am here in the middle,

and where I have come from is murky, swallowed up behind in misty memory; and

what lies before seems just as murky.

The end destination may be sure, but each faith footfall seems planted in air.

There are no cleared paths,

no signposts to reassure me that this is the way—

only recollection of what was once so sure.

It could be that surety was arrogance and that I only had this one shaky step all along.

But the hard thing

is the knowing that I don’t know and

that my trust is the blind forever kind.

************

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. ~II Cor. 2:7

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